Updated: Oct 3, 2019
When talking about Overcoming, one of life’s biggest transitions is when two people decide to mesh their worlds together. If you think of the sheer number of moving parts when two worlds collide, they literally could blow up, as George so delicately put it on Seinfeld.
The decision for us to move in together was more difficult because we were both coming out of previous marriages with kids. This makes that number of moving parts much higher!
We answered 3 questions separately and haven’t seen each other’s answers until the article was printed.
Before moving in together what were you most excited about? What were your biggest fears?
I was really enjoying that beginning part of our relationship….the courtship phase, and I was afraid it would end if we moved in together. Even though we were beginning the blending process as we dated, a lot of our time consisted of us having fun and laughing a lot. I was afraid that it was too soon to make the leap of joining each other in unwedded domesticity. I was afraid any differences we had would immediately surface from their comfortable spot hidden away in the recesses of our minds. My biggest fear was that it was actually a mistake to move in and that we would end up breaking up just for that reason - we wouldn’t be able to live past our unique differences.
Since then, I have accepted our individuality and realized every couple has differences. If we were all exactly alike, that would be very boring (and impossible!) I know he accepts the differences, because we have talked about them. In some ways we are so much alike it’s scary and I know we have enough in common to make it or we wouldn’t have made it this far.
Before we moved in together, I had so many thoughts and emotions ranging from sheer excitement to nervous anticipation. I couldn’t wait to share my daily life and enjoy having someone to do the simple things with, such as cooking, watching tv, drinking coffee, and yes, even cleaning. As far as fears, I would have to say that not being able to be a single guy was my biggest. I mean what if I can’t leave my dish out on the counter until the next day (or two)? Will I always have to use a coaster or make sure my dirty clothes are in the hamper? I know these seem small and silly, but when you’ve been on your own for a bit you get accustomed to life’s ‘being a single man’ pleasures.
What quirks did you discover about your partner after moving in together?
There are so many funny quirks you find out when you move in with someone…that’s the funny stuff (hopefully)! Many women get annoyed with their guy because they frequently leave the toilet seat up after using it. I am proud to say that my guy doesn’t leave the seat up -He most certainly puts the it down and he doesn’t just put down the seat, he closes the toilet lid too… thinking of his lady. (Well, maybe we shouldn’t give him that much credit. (I actually think he does this so his dog won’t drink out of the bowl) The result is, when I get up to go to the bathroom in the dark of night, I unexpectedly plop down bare-bottomed on the toilet seat lid! Nothing, and I mean nothing, will make you jump up faster than when your butt connects with something cold and hard (or at least when you aren’t planning on it!)
There are too many other quirks to list here, but I’ll try to name a few. Because I am very “OCD” about little things. I am always giving him crap about putting things in the spot I have designated - from hanging his bath towel on the corner of a random door or putting a plate on the shelf where clearly a bowl should be! And don’t forget, leaving his shoes right smack dab in front of the door - Especially fun when your guy wears size 12 shoes…they are like skis blocking the door! It seems to me in listing all of “his” quirks, that maybe I am really the one with the oddball idiosyncrasies. And he so patiently laughs when I remind him of all his “wrong doings”. That’s one of the reasons I love him. Instead of getting mad at my quirks, he laughs them off and we both have a good chuckle.
When it comes to the quirks, I had to put a lot of thought into this question mainly because there really aren’t many things that she does that bother me. On the contrary, there are things that I find funny and at first maybe questioned a bit, but as time went on, I realized how much I adore these ‘quirks’ and would miss them terribly if anything were different.
For example, I didn’t quite know how to react when I learned that the bathroom rugs being wet drove her crazy because they made her feet wet while getting ready for work. I thought those rugs were there to get wet when I got out of the shower. Now whenever I am finishing up my shower, I just smile as I take extra time to dry my feet before I step out. I think it’s cute that when I talk or ask a question during a movie or tv show, she just turns the volume up instead of telling me to hush. This is one of my favorite things and it makes me smile whenever I have a thought or comment that’s about to leave my mouth. These are the types of things that make a relationship special. When I look at her and think of all the little quirks that make me smile every day, that’s when I know I found someone special.
Now that you’ve had time to grow together, what do you love about living with your mate?
I love being able to spend the majority of our time together, that we wake up together and go to sleep together. I love that it is our home and that we get to come home to one another every day. It brings me so much comfort and joy to know I am coming home to my man. I get a warm feeling when I get home from work every day - I pass through the doorway just waiting to hear his voice greet me, or to see his face smiling the second I enter our home. We have our times together that we talk and share stories or connect on different things we both like, while walking our dogs together or making dinner together. He is there to lift me up when my day is hard and always listens to me drone on about my challenges and concerns in life. I love hearing about how his work is going as it progresses and seeing him laugh. But also, when times are hard, I want to be there to help him whether he is sick or just isn’t himself.
Just the little daily things are what make it so sweet living together and sharing our lives. Coming from previous marriages and blending our lives together sometimes isn’t easy, but every couple has challenges. Working through life’s daily grind together and seeing them work out is what makes it all worth it. I no longer fear losing our fun “honeymoon” phase where we were carefree because I have the added benefit of the daily blessings of sharing life together. And that brings everything full circle. Not just living for the fun times, but having someone there during the day to day challenges and details in addition to the really hard times. I am no longer doing those things alone, but now have a partner who helps me and cares about me not only getting through them, but flourishing.
Everything! I love sharing about my day and having someone who cares for me so much there to listen. I love being there and knowing that when she had a bad day, I can make her smile. I love how she always has a cup of fresh coffee waiting for me when I wake up and how we sit on the balcony and enjoy it and each other, sometimes without saying a word. Mostly, I love being with someone who seems to know more about me than I do at times, and who loves my kids as if they were her own.